October 14, 2019
Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. (Ephesians 4:29)
“I’m red (choleric), my wife is green (phlegmatic), and we have a son (7) who is blue (melancholic), and a daughter (4) who is (very) yellow (sanguine). Learning about the temperaments has helped me be more patient with my son’s need for safety and his cautiousness…and more understanding of why my daughter seems to never stop talking.”
“After taking the temperaments assessment for my small group, I had my whole work team take the assessment and already I’m seeing a difference in their interactions and they seem to understand-and appreciate- one another better.”
“I had felt like I never quite fit in but understanding my temperament - and talking with others who share my temperament- helps me realize that I do fit in and that I am not the only one who is like this [my temperament]”
“As a blue, I am grateful for the yellows in my life…or I might never get out of the house!”
“I have always felt very guilty about my needs as a yellow for acceptance, approval, attention & affection and while I still struggle some, I realize this is how God created me- and it’s OK”
These are just a few of the comments we’ve heard these past few weeks from some of the hundreds of people at Garfield who are participating in one of the 6 week small groups based on Kathleen Edelman’s I Said This, You Heard That that started a few weeks ago after Kathleen was with us as our guest speaker on September 15th. Edelman says there are 4 main temperaments for communication, which predispose each of us to speak and hear words in a certain way. Basically, everyone defaults to one of the below communication languages:
- YELLOW: Speaks the language of people and fun!
- RED: Speaks the language of power and control.
- BLUE: Speaks the language of perfection and order.
- GREEN: Speaks the language of calm and harmony.
When we understand the temperaments and learn to apply what we’ve learned, we can use our words to love others better and to live out the words of Ephesians 4:29.
On October 27th we are asking EVERYONE who has taken the assessment (whether as part of an “I Said This, You Heard That” small group, a volunteer team or maybe even at work) to wear something in the color of their dominant temperament to worship that day. There are going to be some fun surprises (Dreamed up by a certain very sanguine lead teaching pastor with the initials C. F.) that day too so you definitely won’t want to miss worship!
August 28, 2019
Safi Bahcall (author of the Wall Street Journal bestseller, Loonshots: How to Nurture the Crazy Ideas That Win Wars, Cure Diseases, and Transform Industries and a recent guest on the Tim Ferriss Show podcast) says he took a class in hypnosis in grad school at Stanford (where he was studying physics) after he noticed half the Stanford football team was in the class. The class was taught by a physician from the Stanford Medical School who had written one of the classic books on hypnosis.
Bahcall says that the professor began by debunking some of the myths around hypnosis and argued that it’s actually a natural state. The professor explained that, “in ordinary life there’s something called the magic number seven. As you sit there, as I sit here, or as anybody sits down in your audience and imagines the world around them, they can be aware of roughly seven different things around them plus or minus two.[i] . . . Hypnosis is really the state of bringing that down to one. You’re just focused on one thing. It turns out everybody, practically everybody, has the ability to go into a hypnotic trance…. we all go into this state of very heightened focus. If you’re listening to music or you’re deep in a book and when someone has to call your name a couple times and then you shake your head and snap out of it, you were in a trance, you were completely focused on just that one thing and that magic number seven plus or minus two in the world around you had just narrowed down to one.”
Focus seems hard to come by when distractions are as close as the phones we hold in our hands, but we don’t need technology to pull us away from what’s really important. Luke’s gospel tells us that when Jesus was at Mary & Martha’s home to share a meal,
40 …. Martha was distracted by her many tasks; so she came to Jesus and asked, “Lord, do you not care that my sister has left me to do all the work by myself? Tell her then to help me.” 41 But the Lord answered her, “Martha, Martha, you are worried and distracted by many things; 42 there is need of only one thing.” (Luke 10:40-42)- drawing near to Jesus, sitting at his feet, and listening to what he says.
The apostle Paul knew something about staying centered:
12 Not that I have already . . . arrived at my goal, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. 13 Brothers and sisters, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, 14 I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus. (Ephesians 3:12-14)
John’s gospel tells us that on the last night of Jesus’ earthly life he was with his disciples, and after he washed their feet, he continued to teach them, saying, “A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.” (John 13:34-35)
On Sunday we announced that Kathleen Edelman, author of I Said This, You Heard That, will be our guest speaker on September 15th at all worship services. Kathleen will be sharing how understanding our own, and other’s, temperaments, can help us to live out Jesus’ commandment to love one another better by communicating in ways that build up rather than tear down (Ephesians 4:29). You will not want to miss Kathleen on September 15th- and please invite anyone you can think of who wants to learn to communicate more effectively.
In the weeks following Kathleen’s visit with us, we’ll be launching new 6 week video-based I Said This, You Heard That small groups meeting at various days/times. You can sign up for the groups on Sept. 15th – if you want to learn how you can facilitate a group at a home or one of our church campuses, reply to this eNote & we’ll be in touch.
Don’t be distracted by the “many things” that try to command our attention, but come to worship on September 15th to hear more about I Said This, You Heard That, and how our wiring “colors” (affects) our communication and to begin to imagine the impact we could have if we all focused on the “one thing” of loving one another.
[i] From an article by Harvard profession George A. Miller, The Magical Number Seven, Plus or Minus Two Some Limits on Our Capacity for Processing Information